KULEZI zinsuku usematheni umdlalo okhonjiswa kuMzansi Magic, Isibaya, njengoba kushube indawo edlalwa wuSamukele Mkhize owuMabuyi, osanda kuthunjwa wuZembe wamdlwengula emshaya kanzima.
UMabuyi uke wathula isikhathi eside engayithi vu le ndaba ngisho esebuzwa yisoka lakhe.
Yize lo kuwumdlalo, kodwa ongoti bathi ukufela ngaphakathi kwabesifazane abadlwenguliwe ikakhulukazi emasokeni abo, yinto ejwayelekile.
UDkt Manqoba Myeni oyiClinical Psychologist ezinze eDurdoc Centre, eThekwini, uthi ukungafuni ukubhoboka ngokudlwengulwa kwabesifazane, kusuke kusahambisana nokuhlukumezeka ngokomqondo kobe yisisulu.
“Isimo somqondo womuntu odlwenguliwe sisebenza ngendlela yokuthi uqale azibuze ukuthi bazomethemba yini azobatshela kulokhu azokusho,” kusho uMyeni.
Uthe umqondo womuntu osesimeni sokudlwengulwa uyazicindezela wona, akukhathaleki ukuthi yingane noma umuntu omdala obhekene naleso simo.
Uthi akukhathaleki nokuthi owesifazane wazi kangakanani, ngoba usuke ephazamisekile emqondweni, uzithola engasazi lutho ngisho efundile azi ngokudlwengulwa.
Nazi izinto uMyeni athe zenza abadlwenguliwe bacabange kaningi ngaphambi kokuthi babike ngokubehlele:
* Ukusatshiswa kowesifazane noma kwengane ngokubulawa.
* Ukusatshiswa kwabo ngokuthi kuzoshiswa umuzi wakubo.
* Umuntu uyazisola azibuze ukuthi yini ayenzile eholele ekudlwengulweni kwakhe.
* Abazali abakwazi ukukhuluma nabantwana ngendlela efanele, baphenduka izilwane.
* Izingane ziyesaba ukuxoxa nabazali uma sezidlwenguliwe ngoba abazali bathi ukudlwengulwa kuyihlazo.
Kubantu asebebadala, uthe bathuliswa wukuthi kuyaziwa emiphakathini yakithi ukuthi ukudlwengulwa kuhambisana nehlazo.
“Emakhaya amaningi uma uke wathi udlwenguliwe, kuvamisile ukuthi kuthiwe uqamba amanga ngoba imindeni isaba ihlazo ikakhulukazi kwabadlwengulwe yizihlobo,” kusho uMyeni.
Uthe abazali nemiphakathi esiphila kuyo abafuni ukuvuma ukuthi abakwazanga ukufundisa abantu besifazane babo
nezingane ngezindlela okuyizo zokuziphatha.
“Baqhamuka sebebabaza ihlazo kodwa bebe bengazange bazinikeze isikhathi esanele sokuchaza ukuthi ihlazo ngempela liyini,” usho njalo.
Iqhaza elingabanjwa abazali nomphakathi ukulwa nalesi sihlava:
* Abazali abahlale beqaphile ngaso sonke isikhathi izimpahla zokugqoka zangaphansi zezingane ukuthi azinalo yini igazi, nokuthi zihlanzeke ngokwanele yini ukuze basheshe babone uma kukhona okwenzekile.
* Uma kukhona okusolisayo ezinganeni, abazali abaphuthumise izingane zabo kodokotela ziyohlolwa ukuthi azizange zihlukunyezwe yini ngokocansi.
* Ungasabisi ingane yakho ngokuyixosha ekhaya uma uyithethisa ikade yonile ngoba lokho kungenza ingakutsheli noma seyidlwenguliwe.
* Yiba nobudlelwane obuhle nengane ukuze ikuxoxele noma yini eyenzeka empilweni yayo ngaphandle kokuthi ikwexwaye.
NgokukaMyeni, kuyenzeka amantombazane asekhulile aneminyaka esukela ku-16, aye emicimbini nabangani bawo, bese edlwengulwa.
Nakuleso simo, uthe athula uma esefika emakhaya ngoba esaba ukuthi azoxoshwa, aze akhulume sekwaphela iminyaka isigameko senzeka.
UNkk Mabindi Njapha ongumeluleki esikhungweni iFamily and Marriage Society of South Africa (FAMSA), uthe le nkinga yande kakhulu kubantu besifazane kuleli.
“Siyaqondana nabesifazane othola ukuthi baqala ucansi ngokukudlwengulwa besafunda esikoleni samabanga aphakeme, kodwa uthole ukuthi beza kithina bezofuna usizo sebebadala sebesebenza,” kusho uNkk Njapha.
Uthe inkinga iqala lapho umuntu esebona khona ukuthi impilo yakhe imile.
NgokukaNkk Njapha, impilo isuke ingasaqhubeki ngenxa yokuthi kukhona into ehlupha lowo muntu osuke edlwenguliwe ayivalele ngaphakathi.
“Abanye basitshela ukuthi baphoqwa yimindeni yabo ukuthi bangalukhulumi udaba lokudlwengulwa kwabo ngoba besaba ukuthi umndeni uzongena ehlazweni,” kusho yena.
Uthe abantu ababhekene nalokhu bayabasiza ngokuthi bayovula amacala emaphoyiseni.
Uthe abanye babadlulisela kodokotela bengqondo ukuze bangenelele kulesi simo.
“Enye inkinga eyenza abantu besifazane bathule bangaphumeli obala wukubuzwa ukuthi bebegqoke kanjani futhi begqokeni ngesikhathi beze bedlwengulwa,” echaza.
NgokukaNkk Njapha, ukubuza umuntu wesifazane odlwenguliwe ngokocansi ukuthi akazange amlinge yini umdlwenguli, yinto leyo ebaphazamisa kakhulu abesifazane.
Uthe phezu kokuthi izinto ezifana nalezi zenzeka emphakathini esiphila kuwo, abantu besifazane akumele baphele amandla, kodwa kunalokho abaphumele obala.
“Ukungathuli kwabo kuzosiza nabanye ekutheni bangagcini ngokufela ngaphakathi,” echaza.